Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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