Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
