Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
