pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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