Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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