watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
