the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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