it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
