Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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