but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
