I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
