: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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