I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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