I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
