I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
