What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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