party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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