Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
