the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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