someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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