im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
