I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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