you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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