I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
