so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am spending my child support on dildos
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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