Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
