Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
