Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
