oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
