i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
