We won't sleep together?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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