Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
