your parents love me but you hate me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
