yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
