Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
