Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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