i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We have started to decorate penises.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.