he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome