He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
