We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships