Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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