I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
