Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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