Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
