i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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