I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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