The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
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Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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