Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.