how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Text me some of your sweat
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
