I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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