I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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