Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
