I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
