At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
