david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
