can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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