Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
