is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
