I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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