He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
