Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
