dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
