Tell her she can't have a vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize