I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize