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• (214): View more from Texas

  your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  we're not divorced.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish costco sold astroglide.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.

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• (585): View more from New York

  We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.

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• (310): View more from California

  I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?

  (281): View more from Texas

  If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!

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• (716): View more from New York

  crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped

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• (626): View more from California

  Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?

  (219): View more from Indiana

  One?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  ONE! And it was was glorious!

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