Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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