And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
