I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
