And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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